Love
as He Loves by Julia Rogers
Love.
You can find the word plastered throughout the walls in my home. I guess I thought that incorporating those
four letters into my décor and having a visual reminder of it everywhere would
help me actually be better at doing it. But is it possible to accomplish
something if I do not truly understand what it means?
I honestly
think that the word love is one of
the most over-used, misapplied, and misunderstood words in our language. I declare that I love everything from coffee to a pair of shoes, cheesecake to a
Land Rover, Disney World to my kids, my spouse to mint chocolate chip ice
cream. The subjects of my love are so
broad but there is a similarity with each one:
I often look at love through the eyes of what it will offer me.
I extend my
cupped-hands to my husband, children, friends and ministry and ask, “Will you
fill the holes in my heart? Will you
validate who I am? Will you make me feel special? Will you give me purpose? Significance?”
Right now we
are in the middle of the “month of love” and being bombarded with everything from
diamonds and chocolates to pearls and roses.
Our frail hearts look forward to the day that our significant other
strives (hopefully) to express his undying love for us. Many of us will be
disappointed. Likewise, many of us have
felt the sting of lack of effort on this day at some point in our
lifetime. And for those of you whose
love language is receiving gifts, I know you have.
If we are
honest, this disappointment we feel about love, whether it’s Valentine’s Day or
not, we often bring upon ourselves all because we have the wrong idea of what
love is. Loving and being loved is
essential to who we are. But if we have
the wrong definition of this life essential word that makes up both a noun and
a verb, we are going to find ourselves living a life less than full. Love is a requisite to living a life
full. It’s the first fruit of the spirit
mentioned in Galatians 5:22. God created us with the ability to give and
receive love. How can we do either and
live a life full if we get the key ingredient wrong?
1 John 4:7-8
chills me to the bone:
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is
from God, and whoever loves has
been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because
God is love.
“God is love”. If we get love
wrong, then we get God wrong. That is
not something that I’m okay with. And
you shouldn’t be either.
As Christians,
we are called to model and manifest Christ’s love. But what is Christ’s love like? By examining the life and ministry of Jesus, we
are given the true meaning of the word love and by His example, we can clearly
see how to put true love into practice.
Characteristics of God’s Love Expressed in Jesus
1. Sacrificial Love-
1 John 3:16-17
reads: By this we know love, that He laid
down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees
his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love
abide in him?
Love isn’t about what the world has to offer me. Love is what I
have the opportunity to give. If, as
Paul said in Ephesians 5:1-2, we are to “be imitators of God and walk in love,
as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant
offering and sacrifice to God,” what does that look life in my life?
When I truly
love someone as Jesus loves, I will give up my own glory, my own life to serve
that person. I will lay aside my own
desires simply because I love that person.
In my own life, I don’t think I understood sacrificial love in its fullest
until I had kids. In eight years time, I
have sacrificed everything from my body, a career, sleep, “me time”, and more
for the sake of my children. I think I
have even sacrificed my sanity at times.
Being a mom full of Christ’s love means daily offering myself on the
alter of motherhood. It’s putting my
children’s needs above my own. And if it
came down to it, I would give my own life for my children as Jesus did for
me.
Now, the
question is, would I be willing to do the same for someone other than my kids,
husband, friends or family? Do I
sacrifice my time and resources, with nothing to gain, for other people? Would
I sacrifice my very life?
God’s word says
that if I do that, His love abides in me.
2. Unconditional
Love-
This
aspect of God’s love is perhaps the most difficult to grasp. It is so because
it is contrary to the very core of man’s selfish nature. So often we love
because it serves us to do so. There
is a “profit motive” behind much of what we call love. Couples marry because they
feel they can’t live apart. They profess that they need one another, that each
fills and fulfills the other’s needs. What is often overlooked is that, despite
the romantic rhetoric, the love shared is essentially selfish and self-serving.
It is founded not on commitment, but on performance. It’s a love of convenience and ego. That is, "I will love
you as long as you add value to my life and please me. When that ceases, so
does my love for you."
However, God's love is not like the love expressed by
many in our culture today. God’s love stands in stark contrast. God took
the initiative to love us first (1 John 4:19) before there was anything in us
worth loving. “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were
yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). In fact, as sinners we are
described as “alienated [from God] and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds
(Colossians 1:21).
If
we are to love as Christ loves, we have to accept each other (Romans 15:7),
forgive each other (Colossians 3:13), and keep on forgiving each other (Matthew
18:22). This is unconditional love.
3. Love Seeks
the Higher Good of Others-
Love must meet the emotional,
physical, and spiritual needs of those loved. It is costly, brings
vulnerability, and seeks the person's highest good (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). One thing that strengthened my own marriage
was reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book taught me not only the importance
of meeting my husband’s emotional, physical and spiritual needs, but it also
revealed to me the love language that my husband speaks. When we know how best our spouses receive
love, we will better know how to seek their higher good. This not only applies to our spouses, but to
everyone we come in contact with. The
question is, how often do we take the time to get to know people well enough to
understand how best to love them? Do we
love them enough to seek their higher good? Even before our own good?
4. Love Those
Who Persecute You-
John
15:18-21 says, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it
hated you. If you were of the world, the
world would love you as its own; but because you are not of this world but I
chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: A servant is not greater than his
master. If they persecuted me, they will
also persecute you. If they kept my
word, that will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on
account of my name, because they do not know Him who sent me.”
This
verse became my mantra during a particularly tough ministry position my husband
and I were in. Persecution is a hard cup
to swallow even in American culture. And
you would think that a church would be the last place to receive persecution
from. But God warns us of false prophets
in the Bible, and we had found ourselves in the lair of a false prophet whose converts
were as wicked as he.
However, John 15:8-21 constantly reminded me that
Jesus was persecuted by His very own and that we were in good company. “If they persecuted me, they will also
persecute you.” This is when “loving
the unlovable” is put to the test. It is
our love and turning the other cheek that model the love of Jesus and point our
enemies toward Him.
In
conclusion, “true love” looks
drastically different from the love our culture defines it as. Yes, it is harder to love sacrificially and
unconditionally, but it is also far more rewarding to love as Jesus loved. The reward may not always be here on Earth,
but rest assured knowing that if we model the love of Christ, we will be
rewarded in Heaven.
Small Group Discussion Guide
1.
Reflect on this statement about
sacrificial love: “Love isn’t about what the
world has to offer me. Love is what I have the opportunity to give.” I challenge each of you to think about one
relationship in your own life, in which, you have been looking at love the
wrong way. Instead of looking at the
relationship as an opportunity to give, maybe you have been more focused on what
the relationship will give you. Once you
have that person in mind, I want you to start praying and thinking about ways
that you can better serve that person sacrificially. If you feel comfortable, share with the
group. Yes, it might make you feel vulnerable,
but to know that your sisters in Christ are praying for you is worth total
transparency!
2.
Is there something in your past
keeping you from loving someone unconditionally? Has someone wronged you and
you haven’t been able to love them despite it?
Or is there someone in your life who may not have wronged you, but you
despise them for other reasons? We are
called to forgive and love these people because that is what Christ does for
us! Share with the group (as you feel
comfortable), your own experience with “loving the unlovable”. Or maybe how someone loved you when you were
the unlovable one.
3.
How often do we take the time to
get to know people well enough to understand how best to love them? Do we love them enough to seek their higher
good? Even before our own good? Share
with the group how you find time to get to know people (outside of family) on a
deeper level despite your busy schedule.
In what ways do you “seek their higher good”?
4.
Read 1 John 15:8-21 again. Share with the group a time in your life when
you managed to love someone despite the persecution they were dishing out on
you. What was the outcome?
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