My sin makes me sick. My husband/pastor tells me that this is the right response to sin. More importantly, the bible tells me this as well.
The Lord saved me by grace, through faith several years ago. He completely opened my eyes to my wretched, sinful ways. But ever since then, instead of letting God sanctify me daily from His word, I have spent more days than I can count striving to cover up my sin that I still struggle with and mask it in different ways...in doing so, I hoped that no one could see my sin and be as disgusted as I was.
Yes, it is true that even after the Lord saves us, we still wrestle with our flesh and we will until the Lord takes us home. Cliche it may be, but it is also true that none of us are perfect. But for whatever reason, I thought that I could make people think that I was pretty darn close. So for years, I have tried just that. But there comes a point, when the striving to hide and cover up becomes exhausting...it's the point at which true colors show, if you will...
It doesn't always happen overnight...sometimes it's a rage of temper here that leads to a sudden outburst...and a roll-of the eyes there...frustration that pours out...the inability to keep that pretty little smile when the lungs want to burst forth in anger and retaliation...and they do...the realization sets in...I am practically naked now, exposed for the world to see me for who I truly am...Life sometimes has that affect on you, doesn't it?..strips you of your defenses...and then the fear of what will people think sets in...now they know that I am a sinner!
So where do you turn when you get to this point?...this point of total helplessness when fear takes over?
You turn back to the One who redeemed you.
and He says to you what He said to me...
I did not redeem you and give you freedom for you to build a cage around yourself and hide behind masks when you decide to venture out! Quit this game that you play with yourself and everyone around you! You are not fooling me! I see your thoughts... I hear the thoughtless words spoken in hushed tones. I see the tears that a closed bathroom door tries to hide. I know your fears...your insecurities...When will you realize that you are a new creation? I have justified you, now, let Me sanctify you!
Has God ever spoken to you like that? Has the Holy Spirit ever so bluntly spoken words to your heart that melt the icy cold stones around it?
Oh, what Love!...what Grace!...that He cares about me that much!...that He awakens my slumbering heart...my timid voice...my fearful arms and legs...my tired eyes...my angry spirit...He unlocks the door to my self-made cage...
And then He brings me here:
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
...you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
...but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Thank you, Jesus!
Your Word sanctifies me!...It refreshes me! It awakens my heart! Your voice gives me voice! You restore my arms, my legs, my eyes! You take away the pain, the anger, and the fear...I do not have to present myself as perfect! For Your perfect blood has covered me! There is nothing that I can do to cover up my sin...it can only be washed away by Your blood! So I'll let the whole world know that yes, I am a sinner! But more importantly, I'll let them know that You have forgiven me...You have justified me...and now You are sanctifying me!
No more hiding...no more masks...
...and so He mends the broken wing and sets me free from my own prison...