Saturday Morning {Josiah}

When I found Josiah behind the couch this morning, playing with his "babies" in the windowsill, I had to grab the camera.  These moments are so precious and I know that one day I'm going to miss finding him and his little toys in random spots all over the house.  Here is his morning in pictures:

wonderful beautiful ::*Grace*::

It's happened to all of us...at some point or another in your lifetime, you have had one of those days where you wish you could push rewind and do it all over again.  It happened to me on Tuesday.  It was a day that I would define as horrible.  But you know, now that I look back on it, the only thing that made it horrible was my response to the little "inconveniences" that took place.  Instead of walking in light and responding to the not so convenient circumstances with grace, I let my flesh control me and my tongue.  And if you have ever came in contact with me on a not-so-good day, then you know that I can be very good at hurting people with my tongue. Just ask my husband.  This is something that the Lord is working to refine in me everyday. 

It all started while taking the boys out for our morning walk in Mr. Bob.  Now Mr. Bob is a wonderful stroller. I love him.  But for the last few weeks, Mr. Bob's tires have not wanted to stay inflated...not even with fix-a-flat or that green goo stuff.  Now mind you, Mr. Bob was a very expensive stroller and was built for "all terrains".  I have called the company three different times about our little tire problem and was told to replace the innertubes.  So Tuesday morning, Jordan made a special trip to Walmart before having to leave for work just to buy the innertubes so that I could take the boys out for our walk.  Imagine my frustration when I found myself several blocks from the house with a flat tire after just having the tube replaced.  I was so mad that I called and left the company the meanest voicemail you can imagine. And after they failed to return my phone call (I can't imagine why), I called them again and chewed the poor guy out....thus began the start of my bad day.

Later that day, Jordan had to make a trip to Wichita Falls to run some church errands.  I decided to take the boys and go with him.  Now ever since we moved to Vernon about a year ago, I have wanted to visit the big water fall in Wichita and take family pictures there.  So we decided that this was a good opportunity.  However,  once we got to the park, we realized that you can't just drive up the water fall...you actually have to walk quite a good ways.  Which wouldn't have been that big of a deal if the tires weren't flat! Once again, I found myself getting frustrated. 

So, we settled on just taking pictures in the park area since it had a pretty stream and greenery. But Josiah, being the curious, little explorer that he is, had no desire to sit still to take a family picture.  Nope, all he wanted to do was run back and forth across the bridge and try to stick his feet in the water...and pester the ducks withs sticks.  This was probably when I should have just tossed the picture idea and took a seat on the bench to enjoy watching him be a little boy.  I didn't.  I can be so stubborn.  So after about 30 minutes of fighting with Josiah to look at the camera and stop crying and resetting the timer about 50 times, I still wasn't pleased with the results.  I found myself getting angry about the fact that I was having to use a point-and-shoot instead of a camera that I could manually adjust the lighting and all that jazz....mad that I had dropped and broke my good camera  a couple of months ago...mad that we couldn't afford to buy the camera that I wanted...frustrated at Jordan because he looked drunk in the one picture that I actually liked.  Have you ever heard the term "hot mess"? I still don't know exactly what the word means but I'm pretty sure it could have described me at that point!

So we decided to leave.  I started looking at the pictures in the car and I couldn't hold back the tears.  Not because the pictures were horrible, but because of how childish I had been...I had acted worse than my two year old.  I had single-handedly turned what was suppose to have been a fun outing into a nightmare.  I apologized to Jordan and he just looked at me and said, "I still love you." All I could do was wonder how that was even possible.  And then it hit me....Grace.  Wonderful. Beautiful....Grace. It's the same reason that my spotless, blameless Jesus still loves me and forgives me when I act according to my flesh.  Grace. Mercy. And I am so unworthy, as we all are. 

I thought really hard about deleting the pictures.  Or at least the ones with me in them, because all I could see when I looked at myself in the pictures was the horrible attitude behind the fake smile.  But I decided to keep them anyway, just to serve as a reminder that I never wanted to act like that again...I never wanted my husband or children to see me like that again.  Most of all, I never wanted my God to see me like that again. 

I am so thankful for my husband who bestows grace upon me everyday...and our boys who still love mommy when she is having an "extra grace required" kinda day.  They truly are my earthly rocks!

The Park

There is just something magical about the park.  It is all things wonderful to a child.  Even at only six months of age, Eli loves the park.  And I cannot even pass by the park by our house while taking the boys for a walk without Josiah trying to unstrap himself from the stroller.  Oh, how I am thankful to our Lord for blessing us with cooler weather and actually being able to get outside with the boys.

Elijah Neal {6 months}

My Little Elijah,

You are 6 months old today! You have learned so much in the last few weeks.  To my surprise, you are almost crawling already. You push yourself up on all fours and then belly flop…but you don’t give up.  Nope…you just start army crawling.  I love to sit and watch all of this transpire. 

You have also started sitting up really well...but if you get too excited and lose your balance, you topple right over like humpty-dumpty.

You are officially eating homemade baby food...well, sort of...it's still very new to you and you try to suck it off the spoon.  So far you have had avocadoes, bananas and sweet potatoes. (and I may or may not have dipped your pacifier in a little bit of nutella.  yes, this is probably a no-no, but I felt guilty eating it in front of you and not sharing!)

Here are some other things that you have been up to:

You are finally getting some hair on the top of your head.
You love to pull and chew on mommy's hair.
Josiah is still your favorite person.
You are starting to become a cuddle bug. (you actually fell asleep right up against me for a nap yesterday!)
You've started to really like your swing all of a sudden.
Mommy finally got over her anxiety and started taking you to the nursery during church. 
You love to get in Mr. Bob and go walking with mommy and Josiah.
You like to watch Leap Frog with Josiah.
And baths/showers with daddy are the best.

Oh, and you've become majorly chunky.  And I LOVE it!

I love you so much Eli (my little doodle)!

Keepers at Home {part 1}

So we’ve all been there…sitting in the doctor’s office filling out paperwork and it asks that inevitable question…Occupation?...You would rather leave it blank than write the word “homemaker” on the line.

Or maybe someone introduces them self to you and they ask you what you do…Why is it that you wish you could tell them that you do anything in the world besides stay at home with your children?

I think that one of the big reasons it is so hard to answer this question for some women is because our culture keeps telling us that we are as not as important as the other women  who bring home a paycheck. ..Just think about it…Why is it that a woman who works at a daycare taking care of someone else’s children looked at more highly than the woman who has chosen to sacrifice a career and a paycheck to be able and raise her own children?

I’ll be honest. I have struggled with these questions myself.  Even though I LOVE staying at home with my boys, I have been that woman in the doctor’s office hesitating to put it on paper.  But like any other struggle, God’s Word is quick to point me in the right direction and reassure me of my calling. Titus 2:1-5 says this:

¹ But you must speak what is consistent with sound teaching. ² Older men are to be self-controlled, worthy of respect, sensible, and sound in faith, love, and endurance. ³ In the same way, older women are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not addicted to much wine. [They are] to teach what is good, ⁴ so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be sensible, pure, good homemakers, and submissive to their husbands, so that God's message will not be slandered.

Our culture no longer looks to God's Word for answers to questions like: What is the man's role? What is the woman's role? But that doesn't mean that we as individuals should not.  Colossians 3:5 says this:

"Therefore, put to death whatever in you is worldly: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desire, and greed, which is idolatry."

I want to focus on the words "evil desire" and "greed".  Sure, we all want nice things.  For awhile now, I have wanted a souped up camera and a new dining room table set.  And I know that if I went out and found a full time job and sent my boys to daycare, I could have those things and Jordan could have a nice truck in no time at all. 

Don't get me wrong.  This is not a post about whether or not the stay at home mom is better than the mom with a career/job outside the home.

But maybe you should examine your heart and your circumstances.  Is God calling you to give up a career in order to be a homemaker? Has he given you the resources to do so? What are your reasons for working while your children are so young? Is it out of necessity? Or can you make the sacrifice but are unwilling?

For me personally, God has called me to this and He has made a way.  Yes, it is a sacrifice day in and day out. But I do not want to have to stand before the Lord one day and try to explain to him why driving a nice vehicle, having the nicest house on the block, and having my fingernails always manicured was more important to me than being a keeper at home and obeying His commands for me...I do not want to have to explain to him that dressing my children in the nicest clothes and buying them the best toys and even sending them to the best college was more important than obeying His will for me. I do not want to try and explain to Him why I didn't cherish my family above my worldly desires.

I am so thankful that I am a homemaker. I no longer shy away from telling people what it is that I do.  In fact, I will boldly scream it from the roof tops.  I love what I do and I no longer read scriptures about homemaking wishing that the Lord had given us women a different role.  I cannot imagine how it would feel to have to send my boys off to daycare everyday knowing that someone else was shaping their values and witnessing all their changes and growth…and knowing that they wouldn’t get near as excited or proud as I would.   I may not get paid monetarily, but I get paid in ways that money could never buy. My pay is hugs, kisses, smiles, laughter, first words, first steps...

Labor Day Weekend {2011}

So I'm only over a week late on this post but better late than never, right?

The Thursday before Labor Day, we packed up the boys and headed to Bowie. Jeremy and LouAnn's crew were there visiting along with Heather and her girls.  I love it when we all get together and just let the munchkins' run wild....all ten of them! Well, eleven actually if you count baby Deacon who will be making his grand appearance any day now. 

Allow me to introduce all my lovely nieces and nephews:

Let's start with Jeremy and Lou's crew:



Jeremiah



SaraBeth



EllaGrace



Micah

And here is Robbie and Heather's crew:



McKinnley



Bailey





Emmerson



Paisley

...and Deacon will make 5!

here's a few more pics from our day together:

So we headed back to Vernon Thursday night and my parents came up to visit the next day.  Josiah loves it when his Gammy and Bobpa come to stay.  I'm pretty sure that Bobpa is Josiah's favorite person in the whole world.  He may even love Bobpa more than he loves cheese...and that's a big deal folks! While they were here Jordan and dad went dove hunting and we grilled up what they shot. And by "we", I mean my dad.  It was my first experience eating dove and I have to say it was pretty awesome. 

While they were here, Eli started pushing up on all fours really well:

....and of course, we played at the park:

...until we couldn't play anymore...



"Why we..." Wednesday {1}

Why we believe that using contraceptives (non-abortive) is okay...

My point in sharing this is not to convince you to believe the same way I do or even because I feel as if I have to explain myself.  I'm just hoping that this post can in some way help someone else who has struggled back and forth with this topic as I have. Let me also add that I have appoached this topic with an unbiased mind set. The issue of whether or not to use a mean of contraceptive has pretty much befuddled me since Jordan and I got married.  Questions, questions and more questions and no clear answers left me even more confused.  So recently I approached Jordan about this mental struggle that I have been having and he realized that he didn't entirely know for sure if it was right or wrong to use contraceptives.  So together we set out to try and figure out what God would have us to believe.  And let me tell you, like Play Doh, we have rolled this topic back and forth exploring every angle so many times it's not even funny.  And we have prayed, prayed and prayed some more while truly seeking out God's truth in this matter through scripture. The following comes from an article that I found on desiringGod.org and it really answered alot of questions that we had through scripture:

Desiring God and Bethlehem Baptist Church have no formal position on birth control, but John Piper and most of the pastors on staff believe that non-abortive forms of birth control are permissible. The Bible nowhere forbids birth control, either explicitly or implicitly, and we should not add universal rules that are not in Scripture (cf. Psalm 119:1, 9 on the sufficiency of Scripture). What is important is our attitude in using it. Any attitude which fails to see that children are a good gift from the Lord is wrong: "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them" (Psalm 127:3-4).

There are, of course, some Christians who would disagree with this position on birth control. Some of the major theological objections that have been made to birth control can be categorized according to the following questions:

• Is birth control consistent with the truth that children are a gift from the Lord?
• Shouldn't we let God determine the size of our family?
• Should natural family planning be preferred to "artificial" contraception?
  

 

Is birth control consistent with the truth that children are a gift from the Lord?

It is very important to delight in the reality that "children are a gift of the Lord." But some people go further and argue from this that since children are gifts from God, it is wrong to take steps to regulate the timing and number of children one has.
In response, it can be pointed out that the Scriptures also say that a wife is a gift from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22), but that doesn't mean that it is wrong to stay single (1 Corinthians 7:8). Just because something is a gift from the Lord does not mean that it is wrong to be a steward of when or whether you will come into possession of it. It is wrong to reason that since A is good and a gift from the Lord, then we must pursue as much of A as possible. God has made this a world in which tradeoffs have to be made and we cannot do everything to the fullest extent. For kingdom purposes, it might be wise not to get married. And for kingdom purposes, it might be wise to regulate the size of one's family and to regulate when the new additions to the family will likely arrive. As Wayne Grudem has said, "it is okay to place less emphasis on some good activities in order to focus on other good activities."
When I was teaching a summer course at a seminary in Africa, a student of mine made a perceptive observation along these same lines. He noted first of all that in the creation account the command to multiply is given together with the command to subdue the earth: "And God blessed them; and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth (Genesis 1:28).'" He then asked how a farmer (he lived in a largely agrarian society) knows how much land he should cultivate. The answer, of course, is that a farmer seeks to cultivate what he believes he can reasonably handle. He doesn't take this command to mean that he needs to make his farm be as large as is naturally possible. Likewise, then, it is right for a couple to seek to have the number of children that they believe they can reasonably nurture in light of the other callings they may also have on their lives. In the same vein, Wayne Grudem points out: "We aren't required to maximize the amount of children we have any more than we are required to subdue the earth all the time—plant, grow, harvest, etc."
In reality, then, although it is true that "blessed is the man whose quiver is full of [children]," we need to realize that God has not given everyone the same size quiver. And so birth control is a gift from God that may be used for the wise regulation of the size of one's family, as well as a means of seeking to have children at the time which seems to be wisest.
 

Shouldn't we let God determine the size of our family?

Sometimes people also reason that if you really want to "trust God" to determine the size of your family, then you should not use birth control. The assumption seems to be that if you "just let things happen naturally," then God is more at work than if you seek to regulate things and be a steward of when they happen. But surely this is wrong! God is just as much in control of whether you have children when you use birth control as when you don't. The hands of the almighty are not tied by birth control! A couple will have children precisely at the time God wants, whether they use birth control or not. Either way, then, God is ultimately in control of the size of one's family.
The "trust God, therefore don't use birth control" thinking is based upon the incorrect assumption that what happens "naturally" reflects "God's best" for our lives, but that what happens through human means does not. Why should we conclude that the way to let God decide the size of our family is to get out of the way and just let nature take its course? We certainly don't think that way in other areas of life. We don't reason, for example, that we should never get haircuts so that "God can decide" the length of our hair. Farmers don't just let the wind plant their crops in the fear that actively regulating what is grown on their land somehow interferes with the provision God wants to give them. And a family doesn't just trust God to provide food for by waiting for it to drop from the sky, but instead goes to the store to buys it. God ultimately determines everything that will happen, both in nature and in human decisions, and He brings His will to pass through means. Human activity does not therefore interfere with his plans, but is instead itself governed by Him as the means to bring to pass His will. Hence, we should not conclude that what happens apart from our planning is "better" and more reflective of God's desires for us than what happens through our planning. God very often causes us to plan as the means towards improving our lives and advancing His kingdom purposes.
Further, God has revealed that it is His will for us to regulate and direct creation for His glory (Genesis 1:28). God has given us the privilege of being able to make significant life decisions because this exercises wisdom and thus shows the fruit that His word is bearing in our lives. When we rightly use the godly wisdom God has given us, God is glorified. He doesn't want us to simply think we have to take what comes naturally, apart from our efforts, because then our sanctified wisdom is not expressed. In fact, very often it is God's will that we not simply let things move along naturally. Going back to the analogy mentioned above, farmers don't simply collect whatever grain happens to grow in their fields, concluding "this is what God wants to provide." Rather, they go out and plant grain, realizing that God wants to provide not only through nature, but also through the means they employ to steward nature.
It does not work, therefore, to conclude that the use of birth control interferes with God's role in granting children. Birth control can be a way of wisely stewarding the timing and size of one's family. One might be able to minister more effectively for the kingdom, for example, by waiting 3 years after marriage to have children in order to enable the husband to go to graduate school. And one might be able to minister more effectively for the kingdom by deciding to have 4 children instead of 15, so that more resources can be given to the cause of missions and more time can be devoted to other areas. If such planning is done for God's glory and in wisdom, and if such planning continues to acknowledge that our plans are not perfect and that birth control does not absolutely ensure anything, it is pleasing to God.
 

Does birth control express a lack of faith in God?

Without regulating the size of their family, many couples would end up having more children than they can reasonably support financially. In response, some argue that we should simply have faith that God will provide the funds. However, we don't use the "God would provide" reasoning to justify going beyond our means in other areas of life. We wouldn't consider it wise, for example, to pledge twice our annual income to missions organizations in faith that God will supply the extra funds. God expects us to make wise decisions according to what he has given us, and not presume upon him providing from out of the blue. Reasonable financial considerations are a relevant factor: "If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8).
 

Should natural family planning be preferred to "artificial" contraception?

Some conclude that "natural family planning" is acceptable but "artificial" means are not. But this seems to overlook something significant: in both cases, you are still seeking to regulate when you have children. And so if one concludes that it is wrong to seek to regulate the timing and size of a family, then it would have to be concluded that natural family planning is just as wrong as "artificial" means. But if one concludes that it is appropriate to steward the timing and size of one's family, then what makes "artificial" means wrong but natural family planning right? Surely it is not because God is "more free" to overrule our plans with natural family planning! Perhaps some have concluded that artificial forms are wrong because they allow one more fully to separate intercourse from the possibility of procreation. But if it is wrong to have intercourse without a significant possibility of procreation, then it would also be wrong to have intercourse during pregnancy or after a woman is past her childbearing years. There is no reason to conclude that natural family planning is appropriate but that "artificial" means are not.


Okay, it's me again. That was a good article, huh? I wish I could take credit for it, but John Piper and his crew at desiringGod seem to know much more than I do! I would, however, like to add something about the above paragraph on natural family planning vs. artificial contraception.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the terms, let me help you out:

Without going into all the details (you can look it up for yourself) natural family planning is a method of birth control  that doesn't require any drugs or devices. I'm just going to be honest here and say that I prefer this method of birth control over the drugs/devices.  Some women have no problem with taking the birth control "pill" but I didn't like it at all.  For starters, I've never liked taking medicine anyway.  Secondly, I hated the side effects.  But most of all, I think that the pill can cause long term damage, perhaps even infertility in some women. In case you don't know here is a run down of how the pill works:

Hormonal contraceptives (the pill, the patch, and the vaginal ring) all contain a small amount of synthetic estrogen and progestin hormones. These hormones work to inhibit the body's natural cyclical hormones to prevent pregnancy. Pregnancy is prevented by a combination of factors. The hormonal contraceptive usually stops the body from releasing an egg from the ovary. Hormonal contraceptives also change the cervical mucus to make it difficult for the sperm to find an egg. Hormonal contraceptives can also prevent pregnancy by making the lining of the womb inhospitable for implantation. (Webmd)

I don't know about you but the birth control pill just seems like it messes with too many things that go on inside a woman's body. ..."making the lining of the womb inhospitable for implantation"? Can this have long term effects? I don't know, but I'm not willing to take a chance on that one.  Also, as it says above, "(it) usually stops the body from releasing an egg from the ovary.  So what happens if it doesn't stop the releasal of the egg? You would probably get pregnant but have a miscarriage due to your inhospitable womb. And is it a coincidence that infertility seems to be on the rise as the pills users start using it as early as there teens and continue using it for years? I don't know...maybe I'm paranoid but I just don't feel right about taking it.  So that is why we prefer natural contraceptives/family planning. 

With that said, let me also say that I am in agreement with the fact that whether you use any form of birth control or not, God is in complete control.  Josiah is living proof of this as he was conceived "on the pill". Jordan and I were only married for four months when we got pregnant with him.  Eventhough we had wanted to wait, God had other plans for us.  And I'm so glad that He did! If you are reading this and thinking, "well, if God is in complete control, then I can just take the pill and not worry about the harm it may be causing my body." Is that not the same as saying, "well, God's in control of my body so I'm just going to smoke a pack of cigarettes everyday" ? You'll probably end up with lung cancer, right? Just like you may end up with health issues if you take the birth control pill.  That's how I view it anyway.  Okay, I'll stop rambling now.  I just think it is an interesting subject with so many different angles to look it.  And I know it can be very personal talking about these things, which is why I almost didn't post this.  But if no one ever talks about it, then no one will ever know, right? : )